bro are you seriously believing in what you hear right now
Distorted Reality - Submitted by sirmanking
#D090B3 #471B46 #230D2E #81ACD5 #F7E0F1
Everyone told me testosterone would make me angrier. My family has a habit of attributing any anger I feel these days to the testosterone. I didn't feel any angrier, but my mother would still tell me that no, I am angrier now, and testosterone did make me angrier and *she* could tell.
A week or two ago, I got my proof to the contrary. I'd been having a difficult day, woke up late, and had to rush out the door, ran into minor inconvenience after minor inconvenience, and then the straw broke the camel's back.
I wrote out the kind of angry vindictive seething text message I used to write constantly. I didn't send it, of course, I copied it out and pasted it in the folder of my notes where I put all my rage venting.
And then I thought.
Huh, it's been a little while since I did that. And I checked the time and dates on my previous notes. The last one was a few days before I started testosterone.
And scrolling back, I noticed that they were *constant* at least one a week for *years* I used to get so angry that I would get the serious urge to say cruel hurtful things to or about people I cared about on a near-daily basis. I didn't realize how big of a problem it was until all of a sudden I hadn't gotten that angry in Eleven Months. Nearly a YEAR.
And then I realized in my rush to get out the door in the morning, I hadn't taken my T shot. My testosterone was the lowest it's been since August.
All of a sudden, I had demonstrable proof that testosterone really did make me less angry. That all that "you may not think you're any angrier but you are" was bullshit.
I feel like I should be angrier about this than I am. I know how angry I used to get. About everything. I just felt it again for the first time in a while. For once, it would feel justified to be that angry. But I'm not. I'm not mad. I'm just... disappointed, I guess.
i constantly forget that stimming will help me. like sometimes i feel so overwhelmed and start catastrophizing about my job or a partner or my family or friends. BUT THEN I STIM. and life's okay
aha i'm seeing it around again so let's please remember that the "there are two wolves inside you, one is evil, one is good" (and every single variation thereupon created for funny internet meme fandom reference purposes, thank you) is a textbook example of native fetishism and half-assed appropriation - it is a false "inuit legend" created by billy graham. yes, that billy graham. originally he said the story was inuit, then upon being called out in the canadian press, he changed it to a "cherokee legend" because he knew the cherokee wouldn't be able to do anything about it due to censorship of native americans in american media.
"so what?? i'm not even using it in a way that references the original! it's just a funny phrase / a tiktok audio / etc!" - the reason i personally hate this fake legend so much is because it was invented to support christian beliefs - the idea of inner darkness and original sin versus inner goodness and morality is a christian one entirely, and not a part of inuit or cherokee beliefs. if you know any damn thing about native history both on and off turtle island you should be able to figure out why exactly it's fucking shitty to compare christian ideals to native legend in any way shape or form, or imply that the two are related somehow, or that natives have always believed in christian ideals pre-colonization, even. and by repeating it as a funny phrase it doesn't really actually take any power away from it like so many well meaning non natives seem to think it does. all it does is keep circulating a myth that further pushes real native cultures (cultures!!! never a monolith) out of society's view!!!
Just saying that like. If you are cis and you want transitional care. If you want vaginoplasty while still being a cis man or phalloplasty while still being a cis woman or feminizing or masculinizing hormones or top surgery or lazer hair removal or anything, anything, anything whatsoever, if there's a part of your body that you want to change but you do not feel compelled to change your gender itself. That's actually super cool and fine. You're not taking anything away from trans people and in fact are contributing to normalizing the blurring of distinct gendered lines. Cis men who look like our idea of women because that's how they want to look. Cis women who look like our idea of men because that's how they want to look. And they're all cis. That's super cool and sexy and awesome and if you are that person and you feel like you need permission from trans people to be that person this is me as a trans person giving you that permission. You don't need it because you can do whatever you want forever but if you feel like you do, this is your permission slip signed by an actual trans person.
By the way this goes for cisallohet people too you don't have to be queer in any way at all to want this you can just be this. And if you change your mind later and decide you do want to change your gender that's your business and nothing means you have to if that's not what will make you happy. When it comes to your gender and gender presentation you should do what will make you happy and figure out the labels as you go, even if those labels are cisallohet.
This was supposed to be a shitpost but painting this was so genuinely healing for me that I decided not to add the bottom text
Original meme it's based on + closeups shots under the cut:
god im glad i surround myself with the disabled tgirls and the nasty trannies and the boygirls and girlboys and the therians rather than fucking losers who think that passing is the end all be all of existence
